i mean, can you blame me?

to avoid slander, this is not the cat discussed in the following. just another cat i do not particularly care for...

it is a well known fact in group 23 (the group of people i came with to vanuatu) that i have a particular disdain for animals.

yeah, yeah, i know...what kind of heartless human doesn't love a nice pet? and the answer to that is: this kind of human.

if a dog comes sniffing around me, my face scrunches up in annoyance. a cat rubs up against my leg... sends a shiver up my spine. 

no thanks.

bluuuhh.

don't even get me started. 

anyway, i had always planned to get a cat to kill rats and mice (which i LOATHE...even more than cats. eww) at my house (i also planned to live in the middle of the bush of vanuatu instead of in  this high rise apartment in the biggest city in the country...biggest having about 35,000 people...and high rise having a front stoop....sometimes you do not get what you planned, i am learning all too well), but when things proved otherwise, i was relieved.

no animals. no feeding, no poop, no nothin' but one happy, pet-less girl. 

mmhmm.

except last week, matt came to visit, and for WHATEVER reason, the guy really likes cats. like, actually, genuinely likes them. has THREE of them at his house in emae. i understand one (rat protection), but three?? bluuhh. and he takes pictures of them! like a proud PARENT or something. insanity.

anyway, so there is this one cat that must belong to my neighbor or something and from time to time, it wanders near my house. 


she and i have a mutual understand: "don't come near me, and i won't throw water on you." pretty simple. EXTREMELY simple. 

 except then matt comes along and is all, "hey cat, even though you are ungodly ugly (it is not an attractive cat), i'll still treat you like a worthwhile creature...want me to scratch under your chin? how about your back too? no, do not worry, it's cool if you sleep on jenni's front stoop. she totally doesn't mind."

cue the cat-induced shiver up my spine. euuugh. 

so, matt and i would come back from town and there would be that stupid little cat, curled in a stupid little ball on my stoop. and matt would be sweet to the guy again. and try to convince me that i was the crazy one, when he was all smitten over some cat. right.

then yesterday, i came back to my house, just me, as matt has been gone for a week, and that little cat was STILL sitting on my stoop. she dashed away as soon as she saw me (the girl still remembers our agreement) and i thought to myself, "okay, jenni, maybe matt is right. maybe that little lady isn't so bad. she doesn't take up much space and she's really quiet..." and then she peered up at me from the bushes in front of my house and almost looked cute and i almost didn't completely hate her. i've been wrong before. maybe matt had a point here.

anyway, fast forward to this morning, as i am cheerfully getting ready for work, and when i open my door to leave my house, happy as a clam, i see the cat. after my initial grimace, i think, "i'll give her a chance". i take one foot toward my stoop, and stop dead in my tracks.

a pile of cat vomit covered in ants, exactly in the path of my bare foot. 

AHHHHHH.

the feline darts (understandably, because at this point, it was extremely clear that she had blown ALL chances with me...mr. nice guy who??) and i grab a bowl of water and forcefully slosh that vomit off. 

done and done.

except then, i open my door the rest of the way, and there is ANOTHER pile of puke...and this one is EVEN bigger. with EVEN more ants. SERIOUSLY, cat, SERIOUSLY???!>?!

and thus, my hatred remains. that cat has just been cordially uninvited to spend anytime on my front stoop ever again. grrrrrr. judge me accordingly, but cats are really big jerks*. 

really big jerks.

*except kittens. i mean, seriously, i am not completely heartless.